I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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