She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
