What a fucking waste of an outfit
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Terrible idea I love it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
