we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
