If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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