why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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