FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
