So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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