Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
