I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
