he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
