Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
