Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
