you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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