after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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