Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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