So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
