Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
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theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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