Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
