too bad you live with your parents still
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
