I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
