3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
