how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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