Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You pole danced in your parka.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
there is glitter all over my balls
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