3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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