remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
