Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
