I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
