we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
