That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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