just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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