He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
