he wants to bone in the snuggie
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
