If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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