Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
