What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
