I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
