I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
