while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
