After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
