and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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