I hate all girls vehemently.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
