I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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