don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
