I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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