remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
