i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize