Kiss
Puke
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
