i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
