Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
