We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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