I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
