Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
