we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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