Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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