I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
