There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
