I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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