I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
