i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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