i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
