Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Shame - the story of my life.
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