i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
