Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
