hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
