i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
