evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
