i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
