worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
