dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Randomize
