Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
