I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
