i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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