I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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