We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
