In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
